Wandsworth Prison Blues

It's certain that fine women eat/A crazy salad with their meat

Earlier this month Linda De Sousa Abreu entered the British prison system for the second time, having become the star of an X-rated video in which the warden was seen having sex with an inmate in his cell.

According to the Daily Mail report, crafted in the wonderful tabloidese of the British press, the married warden ‘romped’ with a convicted burglar in Wandsworth prison before performing a ‘sex act’.

Brazilian De Sousa also had an OnlyFans account sharing explicit content, advertising that ‘I am a happily married sexy latina who wants to share hot content with you. Experience my real life, real love, real sex and real orgasms!’

Her Instagram page featured the pineapple symbol, which is apparently code used by swingers, while De Sousa Abreu and her husband Nathan – who have an eight-year-old daughter together – were in 2023 also stars of Channel 4’s Open House: The Great Sex Experiment, in which - as part of that broadcaster’s ‘public service remit’ - couples ‘pushed the boundaries of the relationships at a luxury country escape.’

The video was made by a cellmate of the male star, who on his phone can be heard saying: ‘Guys we’ve made history, this is what I'm telling you… ‘This is how we roll in Wandsworth.’ He tells his cellmate: ‘You know you’re gangster innit!’ To add to the general air, the amateur cameraman was also smoking a joint, although I suppose in the greater scheme of things that hardly matters. The movie went viral, and the Spectator reports that a noted pair of porn actors even recreated the famous scene.

De Sousa’s co-star Linton Weirich, a prolific burglar and among the super-offenders responsible for the vast majority of crime, is serving nearly five years after being caught robbing a number of homes near him in southwest London while wearing an electronic tag. The 36-year-old had a heavily pregnant girlfriend when he was jailed, and this month, as she visited him in Swaleside Prison in Kent with their now three-month-old baby, he was attacked by a fellow criminal; the child suffered a fractured skull as a result.

From De Sousa Abreu’s OnlyFans page. Mr MacKay would not approve